Growing up, I didn’t have a very close relationship with my mother. I don’t have many memories of her telling me she loved me, or hugging me, or kissing me as a child. It wasn’t her fault though. I was more of a daddy’s girl, so I always looked to my father for affection. I didn’t realize how much I needed her though, until my father left.
Being the eldest of eight siblings in my mom’s family, she was the first one to leave her home, but she still left very young. Her mother was very strict and their relationship was very distant, so at only fifteen she left to another state in Mexico, to live with her aunt. She doesn’t say, but I know she regrets it- not having a good relationship with my grandmother.
After moving away from home, she got married a few years later, so she never had the chance to move back home to reconnect with her mother. She only saw her family a few times throughout the years. Then, she moved to the United States in 1997. Since then, almost twenty years later, she has not seen her mom. In the past year and a half, my grandparents have made at least five attempts to legally come into the United States; with a visa. Every time, they have been denied, and because of our legal status, she has been unable to leave the United States to visit them. I know she misses them, and because of all those years away from home, I know she is more than ready to finally establish a close and happy relationship with my grandmother. One of her greatest fears I’m sure is losing her without getting a chance to reconnect with her.
I’m lucky to have my mother close, living only fifteen minutes away from me, but most of the time, I feel like I take that for granted. I barely go see her and spend time with her; sometimes I rarely call. I know she understands because she works a lot and has things of her own to do, but I hope to take more advantage of the time I have to spend with her.
In 2011, my mother took on both roles, as mother and father for my three sisters and I. Never once did she let us down, or make us feel the need to miss my father. She didn’t let us go hungry for neither food nor for love. She protected us against anything that could hurt us, and pushed us forward, not letting the past bring us down. Since then, she has been my greatest example. She is the most hardworking person I know, seriously, a super woman. Now that I have my own place, I come home from work after sitting at a desk all day- to cook dinner, and clean my apartment. Sometimes, by the end of the night, I feel exhausted, and I don’t even have kids yet! I don’t know how she did it, and still does it. She works very hard on her feet all day and still gets home to do a million other things. I admire her for that.
My mother turns 42 today. As young as she may still be, she doesn’t always look her age. My mother is a housekeeper. Her hands get very rough at times because of all the dish washing at work, clothes folding, and bathroom cleaning. The bags under her eyes are dark because she sleeps late at night, doing the one million things she thinks necessary to do, and wakes up early for work the next day. The back pains she constantly gets are from constantly pushing vacuums and mops, and from bending down to clean every corner of someone else’s house.
My mother doesn’t read my blog, because she can barely read English. Some may ask, “How? After 20 years here, she still can’t read English?”. Well, the only free time she had to learn English, was during her last pregnancy, then she went right back to work, leaving the learning behind. I am translating this post for her to read at her birthday dinner tonight, because it was written especially for her. I want her to know that even though I don’t call and see her every day, she still means the world to me, and I appreciate the many things she does for my sisters and I.
Mom, your rough hands, tired eyes, and back pains are all so that your children can have a great future. I am immensely grateful for that. Because of your hard work and dedication to us, I am growing wanting to be someone you can be proud of. I want you to know that I want to be a hard worker like you, a great mother like you (someday), and a have a great heart like yours. Thank you for never abandoning your role as a mother even when things got difficult, and when they seemed impossible. I have not known any other love like yours in this world. I will forever be thankful to God for blessing me with you as my mother. I love you mom, now and always. May you have the happiest birthday.
Sincerely,
Your daughter, Heidi