For those who don’t know, I’m the oldest of all my sisters- there’s four of us. Growing up, while being the oldest wasn’t the easiest, or the best, at least not most of the time. They say the oldest is always the test child, so let me just start off by saying, that is completely correct. My parents were strict with me, and being a Christian on top of that, made my parents extremely strict. I am three years older than Claudia, five older than Karina, and eleven older than Johanna. Growing up, I wasn’t very close with them. The closest I would get to Claudia and Karina, was probably when we would hit each other when fighting, but like most other siblings, we became closer as we grew older.
I think the hardest part of being the oldest, was the responsibility as a child. My parents never hired a baby sitter. I was always “in charge”, which was never fun or rewarding, unless you count spankings and very long lectures as rewarding. Now that I think about it, they kind of were, but I wouldn’t have said that then, obviously. I never really understood why my parents even put me in charge anyway, the girls never listened to me. If anything, they bullied and bossed me around more than I did them. For example, there was a time when my parents left me in charge, and my sisters decided to go outside to play on their bikes. Out of all the times my sisters had played on their bikes before, that day had to be the day they got hurt. Karina came home with a huge gash on her eyebrow that bled- a lot. My parents got home, and of course my mom and dad became furious. Luckily though, that was the worst that ever happened, nothing too serious, but I still got yelled at like never before, and maybe spanked, I don’t remember.
Another thing was how much my parents expected of me. Whenever I got a bad grade, I could never have a good enough excuse as to why. My friends never seemed well behaved enough to hang out with, and when I wanted to sleep over my best friend’s house, I was never old enough to do so. It was just one thing after another, but with my younger sisters, they pretty much did what they wanted with their friends. Claudia one time went with her friend to the mall, and although she complains about my parents walking only a few feet behind her, she’s lucky she was even allowed to go out, or that my parents even liked her friend.
Of course, I could write a long list of things I disliked about being the oldest, but although the childhood part wasn’t the best, the adult part really is. I realize how blessed I was that I got to pretty much watch all three little sisters grow up, since the moment they were born. I was able to help them with their homework, which gave me the chance to feel like the smartest kid in the house, at least until they outsmarted me. Johanna is still growing and has a lot to learn, but I know she looks up to me, which is important.
One of the main reasons I like being the oldest though, is because I am able to give my sisters advice, and unlike before when they wouldn’t obey me, they actually listen to me now. Another thing is being there, not just for my sisters, but for my mom too. My mom went through a really hard time when my dad left. There was a lot she took on as a single parent, so I did the best I could to help her feel less stressed, and make sure she knew things were going to work out just fine, and they did. It’s not easy being an older child and seeing a parent struggle, especially when being young, as there is only so much you can do, but even when I wished I could have done more, I knew to my mom, what I did was enough.
I have three younger sisters. I keep wanting to say little, but they aren’t so little anymore. I love them very much, and I hope they never forget that. I want to do my best as the oldest, to make sure they know I care, and that I will always be there for them for as long as I live. They are my best friends.
Claudia, Karina, Johanna: There is only so much words can describe how I feel for you all, but loving you and mom have made my life complete. You guys are the reason I don’t give up, and I hope that we are always that for each other. Remember you are all stronger, smarter, and more powerful than you think, so don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise. I am proud of each of you and always will be. I can’t wait to keep growing up with each of you by my side. Our lives have just begun, and there is so much ahead, but wherever we go, or wherever we each end up, I know we will always keep each other close in our hearts.
Sincerely and with love,
Heidi Luviano