When I was in second grade, my dad bought me a purple umbrella with ‘The Powerpuff Girls’ on it. I had fallen in love with it since the moment I had laid my eyes on it. I had begged him for it, without thinking twice if we could really afford it or not, but to my surprise, he actually bought it for me. It was around spring time, so it would constantly rain. That night I went to sleep hoping it would be raining when I woke up the next day.
When I opened my eyes in the morning, I ran to the window of the room and looked outside. I was so happy to see that it was raining, not too hard, but enough for me to use my freshly new umbrella. The excitement is something I can still intensely feel when I think about it. I got ready for school, grabbed my umbrella, and walked out the door. I opened the umbrella and I can still remember the smell of the brand new plastic it was made out of.
I excitedly walked quickly to the bus stop, thinking how everyone would complement me on it, but unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. As soon as I got close to the bus stop, I saw from the distance some older girls look at me and whisper to each other. I could hear their snickering, and all I could think was how childish I must’ve looked with that umbrella.
I never really knew for sure that they were laughing at my umbrella, but because of the insecure kid that I was, I remember feeling so hurt that my eyes began tearing up as I turned my back against them, praying that the bus would get there soon, so I could put the umbrella, that I had loved so much for so little time, away. After that day, I never took the umbrella back to school. As much as I loved it, I felt embarrassed to use it.
Today, when I think about this, I always wonder what would have happened if I would have just accepted the fact that it was okay to use that umbrella, it was mine, and I had the right to use it no matter what people thought of me. My story may seem a bit childish, but sometimes, we love things, and never seem comfortable enough to love it as much in front of others. We worry so much about the acceptance of others, that we forget to accept ourselves first. Accepting the fact that it’s more than okay to love the things we do, is the first step to leaving a phase of insecurity and entering a phase of self-love, and acceptance towards ourselves. No matter how many complements you may receive from a million other people, if you don’t accept yourself completely, one bad comment from anyone, can tear your self-esteem down and bring back your insecurity.
I wish I could go back with the mentality of today and just think nothing of those girls. I can imagine myself walking to the bus stop with that pretty purple umbrella over my shoulder every day, even on the days it wouldn’t rain, just to show off my self-confidence, and my umbrella, of course. Also, I wish that I could have made myself understand that it was okay to have a childish umbrella, because I was still a child. I can’t go back in time to reassure my eight-year-old self, but whenever I start feeling insecure of myself today, I sometimes think about that Powerpuff Girls umbrella. Don’t let the thoughts of others keep you from enjoying what you love, because someday- when it’s gone, you may regret not loving it enough. Happiness comes when you allow yourself to enjoy what you love, without worrying what the rest of the world thinks. Believe me, I would know. Something so simple, like an umbrella, taught me that.
Sincerely,
Heidi